Biggest Loser

First I'm going to talk about the show and then how it applies to me so if you've recorded this past week's episode and not watched it yet then you want to stop reading my blog now! Okay, then I guess that means the rest of you have either watched it or don't watch the show at all and don't care, if you don't watch it then this first part won't matter to you but here goes........... I was SHOCKED at Ron's whispered conversation with Mike! I feel for them and I like Mike but Ron has been rubbing me the wrong way for a few episodes now. I was starting to feel like he was shifty and he just confirmed that on this week's episode. And from her comments before leaving I think Kristin had his number! She was my favorite and I really wanted her to win but I bet she wins the "at home" prize. Mike WAS my second favorite but after his "Yeah, I think I'm going to win it" at the elimination table I don't know. He HAS broken records and he has worked hard but I'm wondering if I haven't misjudged his true character. And yes, I do realize I'm talking like I know this people personally but I think most of the fans of this show DO feel that way! Now I don't know who I want to win. Not Ron. Helen irritates me. I lost respect for Fillipe when he blamed Jillian for not working with him and not taking the blame for his over indulging during their "night of luxury". Tara has seemed cocky to me but maybe she's entitled to that after this season? Right now I think she's my favorite but I do think Mike will win.

I really related to a lot of the things Kristin has said in her interviews. I've related to a lot of the contestants but this week when Kristin said she's afraid to voice the things she wants for fear of them being yanked away I SO got that! That is me. It's a mentality of "if people know how I really feel or what I really want then something in the universe will prevent me from getting it" so you plod along in the same self destructive habits while getting angry about it but not feeling entitled to voice that anger or brave enough to do something about it. Don't draw attention to yourself, keep your head down and put up barriers so people won't look your way. I ask why I bawl during every episode but I know why. I could be one of those contestants, I get what they're saying.

And after a recommendation from my friend, Sarah, (I don't know how to turn her name into a link but she's here too) I read the book "The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl". I wanted to cry during parts of that book too. Excellent book but if you're like me be ready to possibly see yourself in the proverbial mirror when you read it! She would eat out of frustration, boredom, anger, etc. I DO that! And you (generic 'you' there) tell yourself it's the one thing you can control, what's going in your mouth, but you really aren't in control. In a way it's like taking every crappy thing ever said or done to you and just putting it into your gut.

So how do people get beyond that and maintain? I wish I knew. I wish I could do that.

And now I have my 25th high school reunion in two weeks which is just bringing all these careening into the forefront of my mind for me. I weigh considerably more now that I did when I graduated. I've gained more than my son currently weighs. Imagine how having that visual smacks you in the face! Ugh, ugh and triple ugh!

And I wish you could hear my "tone" as I'm typing this. It's not boo-hoo, woe is me, but more of a quizzical "how do they do that and why can't I?"